Self-Bullying is bullying of the self.
This is where you yourself can become the bully. You can bully yourself through your thoughts.
Your thoughts about yourself can actually become the bully. Your thoughts about yourself can become more damaging than anything the bully or bullies say or do. Unless you take action to challenge them.
The bully's words, insults, putdowns and threats can stay in your head. These words play on your mind and go to work on your mind in a very destructive way. These words become your thoughts about yourself. These words start to destroy your self-image and form a negative self-image in its place.
You start to think these negative thoughts more often until the majority of your thoughts are negative. These negative thoughts cause you to create more fearful thoughts, which means you experience more fear. These negative thoughts cause you to create more shameful thoughts, which means you feel more shame.
In effect you begin to do the bullies work for them.
You begin to bully yourself.
Look again at the graphic of the ‘Victim State' at the start of this chapter. The ‘Victim State' is a cycle – each part of the ‘Victim State' causes another part. Each part is connected.
The Fear you feel creates the feeling of shame. The shame creates the habit of self-bullying. Self-bullying creates more fear. More fear creates more shame . More shame creates more self-bullying and so on.
The ‘Victim State' is created by your thoughts and perception of the problem.
It is learned behaviour. It's a state that people retreat into whenever they encounter a bullying situation.
The really positive thing is this – you can develop control over this behaviour.
You can un-learn it. You can train yourself to access more powerful states when you find yourself in a bullying situation.
You can train yourself to develop your confidence, to grow your self-esteem and to leave this ‘Victim State' behind.
The important point to understand is this:
The attitude and skills you need to reach a turning point and stop the bullying you are experiencing are already within you. You already have this attitude and the ability to develop the skills. The answers to the situation or problem are already there. You just need a little help to bring them out.
In a later chapter I will guide you through a number of strategies for leaving the ‘Victim State.'
The skills and attitude you will develop in yourself by doing so will completely change your perception of yourself and will have a range of positive effects on your life.